| from http: | //somehedgehog.livejournal.com/245807.html:
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| Adventuring Party Politics: | The Campaign is Getting Ugly
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| GM: | OK, the bugbear attacks you. What do you do?
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| OBAMA: | I send one of my 672 henchmen after it.
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| MCCAIN: | OK, seriously. Why does he have so many henchmen? I'm a level 72 ranger and he's only a level 8 paladin.
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| OBAMA: | Well, if you'd bought the Grassroots Organizing and Oratory/Colgate Smile proficiencies you could min max it so that you...
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| MCCAIN: | Why is he even IN this campaign? I thought this was supposed to be a high level party.
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| OBAMA: | Well, maybe some people got tired of the grim and squinty "Matterhorn, son of Marathon" shtick you keep doing. Dude, could you be any less original?
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| MCCAIN: | Oh my god, I did not leave my left nut in a tiger cage in the Tomb of Horrors to spend my Friday nights mopping up after the new kid.
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| OBAMA: | "My friends, I am a totally unoriginal grizzled character class stereotype. I should lead the party because I have more testicular damage than that one."
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| MCCAIN: | Yeah, well, you pal around with dark elves.
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| OBAMA: | OH NO YOU DIDN'T.
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| MCCAIN: | Whatever, so's your mom.
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| OBAMA: | So's your FACE.
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| MCCAIN: | So's your Mom's face!
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| HILARY: | WTF you guys. Why am I playing the cleric?
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| MCCAIN: | Hilary, we've been over this.
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| HILARY: | No, dude. I am so sick of being the girlfriend healer. Seriously, I can't even use a sword. Fuck this noise.
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| KUCINICH: | IM A BARD
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| OBAMA: | That's nice.
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| KUCINICH: | MY FAMILIAR IS A PURPLE SNOW LEOPARD
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| MCCAIN: | Oh, Jesus. Here we go.
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| KUCINICH: | DID I MENTION MY WIFE IS A TOTALLY BANGIN DRYAD WITH 20 CHARISMA
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| HILARY: | C'mon you guys, I've been playing this shit since Gygax was in eighth grade. Why can't I be the party leader with the magic sword for once?
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| MCCAIN: | Because no one wants to see you in a bronze bra.
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| OBAMA: | Oh dude, BURRRRRNNNN.
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| HILARY: | SCREW YOU, Grandpa. I will so kick your ass.
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| MCCAIN: | Yeah? Bring it! I didn't spend 3 years in the Abyss with Githzerai hooking my nads up to a car battery to get beat by some Wellesley girl.
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| HILARY: | WHATEVER, you can't even lift your arms over your head.
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| RON PAUL: | I brought my Planescape character!
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| OBAMA: | Dude, we're playing Forgotten Realms.
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| RON PAUL: | I rift in from Sigil! I'm a Chaotic Neutral Tiefling Barbarian/Monk/Rogue!
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| MCCAIN: | DUDE, that is not even LEGAL.
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| RON PAUL: | Ronpaul the Barbarian say: suck it! Guns and abortions and weed for everyone! WHEEE!
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| PALIN: | Hi folks! Sorry I'm late! I brought caribou burgers.
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| HILARY: | Who the HELL is this?
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| MCCAIN: | It's cool, she's with me.
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| HILARY: | No! No, it's not cool! Every time you bring one of your rodeo-queen girlfriends in here she ends up playing some succubus infiltrator and killing the whole party!
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| MCCAIN: | Now, that is patently untrue.
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| BIDEN: | He has a point. Cindy turned out to be a vampire.
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| MCCAIN: | DUDE. SHUT UP.
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| GM: | You guys, seriously, if you don't knock it off with the bickering I'm going to start docking XP.
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| MCCAIN: | You know what? Fuck it. I'm suspending the campaign.
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| GM: | You can't do that! Only I can suspend the campaign! I didn't suspend it for the 1988 Mountain Dew shortage and I'm not going to suspend it now.
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| KUCINICH: | YOU GUYS I AM TOTALLY CASTING A CANTRIP
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| MCCAIN: | Oh my god, Dennis, shut up, you don't even count.
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| KUCINICH: | YOU GUYS ARE DICKS
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| BIDEN: | Where are the Cheetos?
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| RON PAUL: | Wait. What happen to tiny Mormon Man?
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| GM: | You find Mitt's lifeless, drained corpse has been stuffed in the broom closet.
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| HILARY: | Oh, God DAMMIT.
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| MCAIN: | Not ok! NOT OK!
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| OBAMA: | What, I didn't even get a detect evil roll for that one?
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| HILARY: | I TOLD you she was a succubus, but did anyone listen? Oohhhhh no, Hilary's just jealous of the beauty queen.
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| RON PAUL: | Pretty Lady screw Mitt lifeless. Ronpaul SMASH!!
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| MCCAIN: | Would you please go light up a spliff and stay out of this? The grown ups are talking.
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| RON PAUL: | Why pretty lady suck life out of Mitt and not Ronpaul? Not fair!
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| HILARY: | I mean, never mind that I'm the one with 17 Wisdom, but does anyone listen to the girl? Noooooo.
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| RON PAUL: | Also Mitt have stupid name. Who name kid after baseball equipment?
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| KUCINICH: | HAY YOU GUYS CHECK OUT MY HEAD OF VECNA TRICK
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| HILARY: | This never would have happened when Tim Russert was our GM.
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| GM: | You know what? Forget it. Rocks fall, everyone dies.
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| OBAMA: | Screw you guys. I'm going to go play Bunnies and Burrows at Jon Stewart's house.
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| HILARY: | Me too.
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| MCCAIN: | Me too.
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| KUCINICH: | GAZEBO! |
